I am going to try to go to bed now. *Not wanting to shut off the TV*

This picture is from Boston.com. For more photos of what I was watching via CNN, visit Boston.com

I can't believe it. I've been up watchng this for nearly 5 hours now. I have to give Kudos to Sydney news stations. I heard the news immediately and knew more about what was going on then friends and famly in the country. It's 2am now and obviously I can't sleep. My thoughts are with people in New York and D.C. and Pennsylvannia. I hope everyone reading this that I DON'T know if they're alive yet, will please e-mail me to relieve me!

I'm currently online with friends in Dublin, California, Boston, and Hong Kong. We're all trying to find info on news websites but they're nearly all down, due to high traffic, I assume. Thankfully, I am getting updates on Channel 10. I am sure 9 and 7 are in there, but I'm afraid to change the channel for some reason.

Here's what's running through my brain now, and here's what they're saying on TV and I'll compare it to what is confirmed over the next 24 hours: Around 8.50 am plane aligned itself with one of the World Trade Center towers and seemingly purposely crashed into one of the towers. At approximately 9.20 am , a flight from Boston to L.A. (Boston is kinda my hometown, remember) was hi-jacked and aligned itself with the second World Trade Center Tower, and purposefully crashed into the 2nd tower. I watched footage of the 2nd plane crashing into the 2nd tower over and over again. You can't watch that and not feel that they hit their target dead on. I wrote my first paper on jihad in the 9th grade, but to see it happen on the news---fuck! You can study all the books you want, but until you actually see it happen, it doesn't seem quite real.

I was absolutely stunned that something this big could happen despite all the super-strict security at U.S. airports. Logan airport (Boston) is pretty damn strict on an average day. So just as the Trade Center disaster was sinking in, they announced that a plane had crashed into the Pentagon. THE Pentagon. When I think of the U.S. and security and big hoity toity agencies, the PENTAGON always comes to mind. So the idea of THREE planes being hi-jacked an hitting the World Trade Center twice AND the Pentagon, all in the same day. I would have thought it impossible. Then we heard that the State House in D.C. was bombed. All Federal buildings and offices were shut down. The White House was evacuated, the United Nations Building was evacuated. People were running through the streets of NYC, freaked out, understandably.

Then, when it seemed things couldn't get worse, one of the World Trade Center's towers (the 2nd hit) collapsed to the ground. It was shocking to watch on TV. But when the other Tower collapsed shortly thereafter, it seemed like it had to be a movie. Two towers, something like 150 floors, collapsing to the ground. Over 150,000 people are in and out of the World Trade Center each day. Over 50,000 people work in these Towers. I don't know at this point if it's safe to say that at least half those people might be dead? No one's even guessing at numbers this point, which is understandable. But the possibility of this is shattering. People were jumping out of the towers to escape fires.

Before the Pentagon was hit, it was assumed that this was terrorist related. But once the big P got hit, it was impossible to deny an act of terrorism. I was trying to gauge my reaction to a domestic/homegrown attacker vs. an international one. So when it was only the Towers that had been hit, I was thinking that so many groups around the world hate the U.S., so it easily could have been one of them, yet we have enough crazies in the country that would be capable of cold and heartless damage as this (i.e. Timothy McVeigh) and I didn't know which would be more horrifying--an outside or inside job. Same result, but an inside job would be totally disturbing on a different level. However, watching those planes crash head-on, I just couldn't escape the jihad factor. Sick Americans are just as cowardly as Sick people outside the U.S. but there are less Americans willing to die for their beliefs, particularly in such an extreme way. The whole jihad belief has fascinated me since that grade 9 paper, and though I think I'm fairly tolerant of people in general, but jihad scares the shit out of me. Maybe because, how do you fight that?

How do you fight against people who are not afraid to die? How do you fight against people who believe they will be honoured and celebrated and never forgotten through their violent mass murders, through their own suicide. It's a win big, win bigger situation for people who believe in jihad.

The Pentagon was hit hard, but obviously it wasn't as damaged as devastatingly as the World Trade Center Towers. Does that mean that the dumbass who crashed into the Pentagon won't be as celebrated or as blessed as the incredible assholes who knocked over the Trade Center Towers?

Then of course, we hear that two planes crashed in Pennsylvania, but there are no big reports on how many have died there. Then we hear there are possibly 2 more planes that have crashed. The Boston to L.A. one is suddenly not confirmed as the 2nd plane to hit the Trade Center. There was a tense moment when reporters reported that there was another plane hi-jacked and on its way to do more damage in D.C. That one hasn't appeared yet. It was reported to be minutes away, but that was 2 hours ago. Can you imagine the amount of planning and skill whoever did this has? It's amazing enough to be able to hi-jack one plane in the U.S. The security is pretty damn tight. And to be able to crash that hi-jacked plane into a desired target is a horrific feat. But to be able to hi-jack and crash 4 commercial liners---possibly 6---and kill and hurt so many and destroy so much, all within about 2 hours--that is nearly unthinkable.

Right now I feel extremely lucky to be here in Sydney, yet at the same time I feel like I should be in the U.S. right now. This is hitting me like I was there, but I'm not. It feels strange. John Howard is in the U.S. at the moment. Boy did he pick a bad time to go. I spoke to my mom this evening, to check on some people, and I updated her on the news I heard. For the first time my mother said, "Hey, maybe you should stay in Australia for a while. Safer."

I agree. Four city blocks of New York City---gone.

An Australian reporter in the U.S. was giving us her account just after the D.C. sites were hit. She commented on her tour of the White House and how she and other Aussie journalists were kind of making fun of the ridiculous security and what-not. She said it seemed excessive. Just a week or so later, here we are, and she said she understood finally why Americans went that far. I don't think Australians ever really think about terrorism---at least not terrorism waged on them--and why should they? Nobody hates Australia. Australia doesn't have enemies, really. (Somebody out there let me know if I'm wrong.) But people want to come here to enjoy the beauty and the people and the attitude and the opportunities of this country. Nobody comes to Australia to blow themselves up while trying to kill as many people as they can in the process. When people say, "I'd die to go to Australia," they're only speaking figuratively.

But for Americans, the idea of terrorism is very real. The idea of violence is very real. I've had a gun go off at my school. I've had metal detectors placed into my school, or other buildings. I've had bomb threats called in for buildings I've been in, I've been afraid to be obviously American during the Olympics (thanks to Atlanta), and between the World Trade Center bombing and the Oklahoma bombing, I've been afraid of what international groups and domestic groups were/are capable of. Now, to be honest, I've been very lucky. I felt pretty safe growing up. The incidents I experienced in high school were pretty tame, I was lucky. But yes, I've always grown up feeling the possibility---the terror of terrorism. And it kills me to know that most of the population has probably lived in more fear than I have.

The United States is the eternal contradiction. We have the best of everything and the worst of everything. The "most powerful country in the world." Are we? Perhaps. But as we've all seen today, we're soooooooo much more vulnerable than anyone's been paying attention to. Typical Americans. Half the people are saying they never thought this could happen, half the people are saying they always knew this would happen, half the people are saying they knew it was possible, but didn't think it was likely. (That purposely doesn't add up to 100%) Republican Senators have been saying that the U.S. government failed us miserably today---that it is people's jobs to make sure shit like this doesn't happen. Maybe people weren't doing their job. Maybe if people were paying better attenton (C.I.A., FBI, etc) this wouldn't have happened. But when things happen, horrible things, that game of "what if" doesn't do it for me. (We can go over that later.) What does do it for me is knowing how we're going to learn something from this and how it's NOT going to happen again.

All flights in the U.S. have been cancelled. No flights are taking off anywhere in the United States. All international flights to the U.S. are being redirected to Canada. The U.S. and Mexican border is closed. The U.S. and Canadian border is under tight security. Basically the country is sealed off. Supposedly 1 or 2 planes are still unaccounted for, but earlier I heard that something like 50 planes were in the air before the first crash, so who knows?

The early report was that a Palestine Liberation group was claiming credit for all this. Now people are saying Afghanistan and the Taliban are involved. Author Tom Clancy was interviewed by CNN. At first I was a bit miffed by this, but Tom actually had a lot of good things to say. First of all, this isn't about countries, this isn't even all about religion. It's about a group of people. As Tom pointed out, self-preservation is a fundamental part of human nature. Most people couldn't and wouldn't be able to carry out these crimes. Most people can't handle jihad. Whoever did this is a seriously sick bunch of people, but we cannot hold their views to be representative of an entire country or an entire religion. So no generalisations. Clancy said we had to hold tight to our beliefs at this time--that it's what you believe in during your low times and your bad times that really matters and says the most about you. That was a very nice thought, and very true, and I believe that--but unfortunately, I know that most people are going to find it difficult not to judge and lay blame upon a larger society who don't deserve it, and people (Americans in particular) are big fans of revenge. I think many societies are, but still.

"We're going to find out who did this and go after these bastards!" - American guy on TV

"Make no mistake, the United States will hunt down and punish those responsible." - George W. Bush

From Boston.com: "Palestinians have taken to the streets to celebrate the attacks on the US. "


Revenge makes the world go 'round?

Many prayers and thoughts go out to all the men, women, and children who have been killed, injured, and lost. Those poor people all over trying to find out where their loved ones are, if they're alive, in a hospital, or what? I imagine for some people, if they're unconscious or with no ID, it's going to take a LONG time to track down their family. Shit. I feel rather helpless over here, I can't even imagine what people closer to the scene feeling. I'm scared to go to bed--that I will miss something important in my sleep. I'm scared that the Sydney morning will bring even worse news. I hope that I find out that everyone I know and love is safe and sound.

I am so grateful that my friends who have just returned from the U.S. recently are back here and in one piece!

And I'm very relieved that this didn't happen two days ago. It should never have happened, but my parents were in NYC less than 48 hours ago.

Be safe, you guys.

I just chatted online with my cousin Rob in Massachusetts. He is 17 and freaked. His favourite teacher's brother works on one of the top levels of the World Trade Center. He called in sick today...

I just finished watching Paperback Hero with Hugh Jackman and Claudia Karvan. 2 little pieces of eye-candy and good actors to boot! (For those reading outside Oz, it's an Aussie movie.)I really liked that movie. I'm a sucker for cute romance films like that. I must have said, "AWWWW!" about 500 times in 2 hours.

I worked on a couple of scripts this weekend, but didn't get nearly enough done, as always!

Anyone interested in films (and who isn't, really?) should check out the 60 Film Experiment!